Why Do We Grieve?

And does it matter if we hold on or let go?

“You know that pain and guilt can’t be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They’re the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves.” ~ Star Trek

Grief can mean many different things to each individual. Some people grieve change, while others grieve the loss of a loved one. Some people want to hold onto the pain, believing that pain is what helps them remember, or shows they still care. Others want to move forward, and bury the pain away or grow beyond it.

I remember a conversation I had with my mom once about my sister who had passed away when I was younger. My mom told me that some pain can never be let go of. She told me that some things you just can’t heal from.

To be honest, I don’t really know where the insight for what I said next came from, but I remember looking at her and saying, “I think everything can be healed, but I think sometimes we can’t let go, or we’re afraid to because it feels like we are saying we no longer care. But you know that’s not true, don’t you?”

It took her a minute to take in what I said, but I remember she nodded and said, “Yeah…maybe…”

Now, that doesn’t mean she released her grief. I mean, after so long grief can become a part of our identity, and she had been grieving for almost 30 years. But, I like to think it gave her some permission to loosen the reins.

Just like we aren’t made to be happy all the time, we weren’t meant to be devastated all the time either. It’s okay to come up for air, and it’s okay to want to hold on. This article isn’t about banishing your grief, it’s about learning to understand it (regardless of what level you are at,) and release it (if you want) when you are ready!

Now, I know that not everyone who is grieving is grieving the loss of a loved one.

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